Top Ten Things That Tick B-Dub Off
Written by B-Dub, Saturday June 27 2009
To celebrate my 100th article I have decided to treat you all to a look inside my warped brain. Feel free to keep those "nothing in there" jokes to yourself. I have decided to share with you the things that are really ticking me off. If any of this ticks you off, too bad. It's my 100th article and I'll write whatever I want. I considered listing 100 things, but who has the time for that? Let's just say #11 to #100 are a bunch of things that ESPN does wrong and the existence of any and all women's professional sports.
10. This one isn't sports related, but dammit it has to be said. Am I the only one in America who remembers Michael Jackson was a little boy touching scumbag? Did everyone except me forget that he was a pedophile? The man paid off countless families of little boys. You just don't do that unless you're guilty. While the rest of the world is saying Rest in Peace Michael Jackson, I will be saying that little boys can now rest in peace without that degenerate around to give them "Jesus Juice" and molest them.
9. They need to release the other 102 names on the list of failed MLB drug tests. Any player who doesn't want the names released is probably on the list. While they're at it, how about a real drug testing program, with real penalties. There should be a one-year ban for the first failed test and a lifetime ban for a second failed test. That should provide a sufficient deterrent. And finally, how about testing for HGH? I know blood samples would have to be taken, but it's the only way we can know for sure who is cheating.
8. The complete Douchebags at every baseball game that you see waving at the camera while talking on their cell phone. Hey Jackass, we get it, you're on TV. You can stop waving now. It's not like you accomplished anything more than dialing your phone. And I'm sure the people behind you would like to actually see the game. I would advocate pouring a beer on the head of anyone caught doing this, but that would be a waste of a perfectly good beer. Plus, buying beers at a sporting event is really expensive these days.
7. The faux baseball fans in Florida. I know I covered this once before, but someone disputed my point and I now have proof that the state of Florida doesn't deserve one baseball team, let alone two. The Philadelphia Phillies just completed a three game series against the Tampa Bay Rays and each of the games had less than 20,000 fans in attendance. This is a World Series rematch and these "fans" don't bother showing up? Don't even get me started on those stupid cowbells. Ugh! Tampa Bay has an exciting young team that is winning and nobody bothers to show up? If the fans don't support the team, those great young players will leave when they reach free agency, because the team won't have the money to pay them. That's what I call getting kicked in the Twig and Berries by Karma.
6. Why do so many people find golf exciting? I would rather watch the grass on the fairways grow than watch golf. Golfers aren't athletes and it's not a sport since nobody plays defense. I understand they are competing against other players, but Tiger Woods dominates because he actually is an athlete. Well he certainly is when compared to the doughy fatbodies that populate the PGA. Then there is the whole thing with women competing in PGA tournaments because the sponsors want it. That's just a joke. And so is golf.
5. While we're on things that I don't consider a sport, what's up with the popularity of Nascar? I see that it gets great ratings and the races are always packed, but I don't get it. It's just a bunch of Rednecks making left turns for Christ's sake. These guys really aren't athletes. They drive a friggin car. If they had to drive through rush-hour traffic, then it might be considered a sport. It seems like the fans really enjoy tailgating though. I guess it can't be all bad.
4. Why do so many people mock those of us who enjoy Fantasy Sports? The more you know about a sport and the players in that sport, the better you can do. It's a fun little diversion during a sometimes long and tedious professional season. You compete against friends and get to engage in some trash talking. There are millions of people doing it and every major sports website out there offers fantasy leagues. It's not just for geeks anymore. The drafts consist of all of the manliest of manly activities, such as drinking beer, eating greasy foods, burping, farting and making fun of each other. It's what I imagine the Garden of Eden must have been like before women came along. As a side note, I would mock someone for doing fantasy sports involving women's sports. That's just wrong.
3. The soccer fans are getting really annoying again after America beat some team, somewhere, in some tournament. I won't look up any of those details because, like 99.9% of Americans, I don't give a crap about soccer. Now matter how hard soccer fans try, Americans have proven over the years that we don't care. And frankly, I don't care how popular it is in the rest of the world. If something isn't popular in America it doesn't matter. If you think that's terribly arrogant of me, a "typical dirty American", then think about the fact that if it wasn't for the great United States of America saving your asses repeatedly you would be reading this in German. You're Welcome. Now please take your soccer and shove it.
2. Bloggers who can't write. I can't stand people who post articles on this site and other sites that don't have even a basic understanding of the English language. How the hell did these people graduate from grade school without learning proper sentence structure? I can live with someone being wrong, since a great deal of what we do here is giving an opinion, but at least have some pride in your work. How can some people not know the difference between your and you're? You're embarrassing yourself with your writing. It makes the rest of us look bad when someone who is almost illiterate posts something. I suggest that the offenders be forced to view the old "Schoolhouse Rock" cartoons. Those are educational as well as entertaining. "Conjunction Junction, what's your function?"
1. I took a ton of grief for not including Philly fans on the list of the 10 Most Annoying Sports Fans, but I stand by my assertion that Philly fans are the greatest fans in sports. All of the arguments invariably went back to throwing snowballs at Santa Claus and booing Donovan McNabb at the draft. The throwing snowballs at Santa thing? It happened on December 15, 1968. Holy crap people, that was over FORTY YEARS AGO! Let it go. And maybe I heard it wrong, but it sure did sound like boos coming from the New York Knick fans at the NBA draft when they picked Jordan Hill. The same city's fans that boo every single pick the Jets ever make. But I thought only Philly fans booed? How can this be? Do you think Hill will pout and complain about getting booed at the draft for over a decade like McNabb? I doubt it. If a fan doesn't like something, they have every right to boo. If you don't agree with me, then you can consider yourself to be 1a on this list of Things That Tick Me Off.
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13 comments
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Tribefan, did you ever notice that these standings for soccer leagues are always at the BOTTOM CORNER of the page in the middle of the sports section in newspapers? Why? Because nobody cares about soccer in America.
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B-Dub, all you have to do is look in the paper, at least the paper where I live, or on-line and you will find the standings for three pro leagues here in the states. The leagues are Major League Soccer, United Soccer League and United Soccer League 2.
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tribefan, can you please explain to me where these "professional" soccer leagues are? I've checked the newspapers, TV ratings and under rocks, but can't seem to find any trace of "professional" soccer in the United States. I seem to remember hearing that "professional" soccer leagues in the US go belly-up every two or three years and then come back under some other name. What is it today USSL, MISL, USPSL, USISL, Idontcareabuotsoccerleague? Yeah sounds like a real threat to the NFL there. Please. People like you can say whatever you want, but it won't change the fact that Americans don't give a damn about soccer and therefore, it doesn't matter. Now if ROBOTS played soccer and they were like the ones in the Transformers movie, then maybe people would care. Me, I wouldn't watch soccer even if all the players looked like Megan Fox. OK, OK. I might watch some "headlights"......I mean highlights.
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Those words should be explain, professional, and leagues.
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If nobody plays soccer after youth sports, how do you expalin all the high school and college soccer programs, not to mention the ptofessional legues here in the states? Who is playing in those, robots?
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tge, what are you talking about? Maybe you read it wrong, since I used you're and your repeatedly in the article on purpose. Eagles 707, you would know a Douchebag since you are their leader.
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JimZ, you couldn't be more wrong. Soccer is something that little kids play because their mommies don't want them to play a real sport where they might get hurt. Anybody playing soccer after youth sports? No. Anybody watching professional soccer in the US? No. People have been trying for my entire life to push soccer in the US and it just keeps getting more and more ridiculous with each failed attempt. The people have spoken and they don't like soccer in the US.
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Hahahhaha B. Did you mess up and clown yourself in YOUR own article? LMAO. #11 in my book....Douchebags that claim not to be douchebags!
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With respect to your point #2 about bloggers who can't write, you might want to fix the second last sentence of point #3. You need "you're" which is a contraction for "you are" rather than "your".
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B-Dub loved the article. I disagree with soccer though. I am not fanatical over the sport, however it is popular in the US especially with the youth. I love the fact that my son plays and he is good at it. It is a grueling sport that demand endurance, toughness and agility. I am sorry my friend soccer is here to stay. May never be as mainstream as the NFL but will carry a fan base large enough to keep it around.
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Now this is the B-Dub we have come to love! Whoever you were before, thanks for letting the real Dubster out of his cage!
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The second to last line of No. 3 in conjunction with ALL of No. 2 made me laugh...a lot.
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I will be on vacation for a few days, so I will answer all of the hate-filled responses when I return. Until then, just remember that I am right and you are wrong.