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Tim Tebow, All American Super Hero?

fattymcnatty Written by fattymcnatty, Monday August 23 2010
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Tim Tebow has a super hero chin, perfect hair line, chiseled physique and more amazingly beautiful gawking women than a sorority house on initiation night.

 

Considered by many as the “best college football player of all time” – “to ever live”- “of our generation”- “of any generation” - and the only person to own a state and it’s surrounding territories without having to put as much as a penny down - Tebow is a living mythical figure.  

 

Oh, and to top it off he’s a white male living in America. 

 

Before you launch race card blasts and “color shouldn’t have anything to do with it” tongue lashings, roll with me for a minute.

 

The man has zero liability in corporate America. He can endorse anything. Hair gel, shaving cream, men’s cosmetics, women’s cosmetics, health products, bling, vehicles, chin straps, every bread  imaginable – white, wheat, corn - you know what I’m talking about people!

 

Did I mention he’s immersed in God and in the doing of his will?! I’m starting to wonder if the last four years of Tebow’s life is in actuality a scripted champion sequel titled “All American Super Hero”. It just seems too good to be true.

 

Although many pundits feel Tebow will never reach, let alone surpass his college football career in the NFL, excuse me - ”National Football League” (rumor has it Goodell hands out code of conduct fines for using the acronym) – my personal opinion is, it doesn’t matter.

 

He hit legendary jackpot status during the sequel of All American Super Hero, commonly known as his junior year at Florida. Any success at this point is simply icing on the cupcake. Though I’m sure he won’t be endorsing those anytime soon. 

 

Given his “smooth flat planes and inescapable corn-fed handsomeness” he plays the game of football with razor edge fierceness and defiant resiliency. I never thought I’d live to see the day another quarterback in a Bronco uniform would challenge John Elway’s seemingly cemented status as God in the state of Denver. However, if his first preseason game is any indication, Tebow is out to rewrite Bronco mythology.  

 

Yes, the Tim Tebow hype machine has a full tank of gas and plenty of air in it’s tires. Never mind  ESPN seems to have plans of driving it right across the barley fields of Favre Farms and straight through the intersection of LBJ Blvd or, “Trader Lane” as some like to call it.

 

There’s whispers from Hollywood that both Favre and James will have villain roles in the upcoming fifth sequel to All American Super Hero. Something about chins and egos…that’s right, “Chinego”.

 

But as the kids say “Don’t hate, congratulate”.  Any male pretending they wouldn’t jump at a chance to live out one day as Tim Tebow is weird and disconnected. In clearer terms – a nerd. I mean come on, as little boys - no one, I mean absolutely no one wanted to be Clark Kent.

 

We all wanted to be Superman.  So we ran around the house looking for any semblance of a cape to coordinate with our tidy whiteys and jumped off every piece of furniture that would give us flight.  Not only did we want to save the day, we wanted the gelled “S” hanging on our forehead.  We wanted the handsomeness.  And yes, we wanted that chin. 

 

For many sports fans in America  Tim Tebow represents the hero we all want to be. Or in the case of those sorority beauties, the Superman to sweep them off their feet.

 

 Love him or hate him, as the saying goes –  it is… what it is. Now que the music -

 

Duuun dun-ta-da-dun…dun-dun-dun…


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