The Return of Big Poppa Part 1: Tiger Black
Written by Big Poppa TC, Tuesday May 18 2010
So it's been a while, but its finally time for the most anticipated comeback of the year. Even more than Jersey Shore, even more than Brett Favre, even more than the new Twilight
movie. No its not Tiger Woods, its the return of Big Poppa TC (although my absence is also mysteriously related to a tall blonde woman attacking my car with a golf club). And I've got multiple mailbags to coming up in next few weeks including SF Giants, NBA Draft (aka my love letter to John Wall), UFC fight fixing (allegedly), Raiders (the end of the JaRaider Era), and many more, so keep an eye out. But first, I cannot not comment on the whole Tiger Woods situation. I like golf as a sports fan, but I would not consider myself a golf fan or enthusiast. But I can't help thinking about how I would have handled the whole Tiger situation differently if I was his public relations adviser.
Well, honestly, I respect Tiger for attempting (for whatever reason - kids or money) to salvage his marriage. I feel that many, if not most people today take divorce far too lightly. Or maybe its more that they take marriage too lightly. But I'm not sure any marriage can be salvaged after the ENTIRE planet finds out that that you've cheated and had relationships with more than 10 different women (many of them 'entertainers'). So if I was Tiger, I would gotten the divorce. That's the first step...
Then things would have gotten interesting. I would have initially done the same thing as Tiger, and made my comeback at the Masters. But at the my press conference, things would have gone crazy. Instead of sounding like a contrite scandalized congressman, I would have taken the mantle of 'sports entertainment'. Remember in the mid-1990's when WWE was the WWF and they were competing with WCW in professional wrestling? Well WCW did the unthinkable. They turned Hulk Hogan (vitamins, blondeness, Hulkamania, America), from a babyface (wrestling good guy) into a heel (wrestling bad guy) with cheapshots and steel chair shots. They dyed his beard black, gave him a black bandana, black leather pants, and made him 'Hollywood Hogan'. Hogan became arrogant, flashy, and was seemingly all about partying and dominating people. It was one of the biggest and most popular wrestling storylines in history. I would do the same thing with Tiger. He already grew the beard. If I was Tiger I would have come to the pre-Masters press conference in sunglasses and a leather jacket accompanied by two hot women who were my 'caddies', and just talked about how I was going to crush the competition. I would only let people refer to me as 'Mr. Eldrick Woods' from now on. Then I while I was playing I would wear only black, and have Nike make a new line of sleeveless golf gear. I could then start collecting other 'bad boy' golfers into my crew. I'm sure more than a few would join for the sponsorship and notoriety. This would polarize golf, and even more people would watch just too see me lose. And I would be able to live life and have fun as a celebrity the way I always wanted. I think one of the reason people are so outraged at Woods is that we think he was hiding his true self.
Golf is too stuffy, and people take it sooooo seriously. Golf and all sports should be about fun and entertainment. Tiger could have revolutionized it and rebuilt himself as a new type of Global Icon. NWO - Nike Woods Order.
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