Playing with Names
Written by MC Homer, Saturday August 15 2009
I have a passion for words. Maybe that is why I love writing, besides the one-way conversation that puts me in charge. I enjoy wacky word combinations. I enjoy single word sentences and single sentence paragraphs. I even enjoy making up my own words.
As I sat at home on my made-for-a-model-home-but-not-for-sitting-on couch, watching the, well, it doesn’t matter what was on tv, because my focus was on my notepad in front of me. I’ll spare you the rest of the details, but the topic in the page was names, more specifically, athlete’s names and the sports they play. Just like words, names fascinate me. After all, what is a name if it is not a word?
I concluded that there are a plethora of names in the sports world that are perfect for the sport that athlete plays. The first two names to pop into my head were Hall of Fame Bears LB, Dick Butkus, and Cooperstown Legend, Johnny Bench. I’m not sure they could have names that fit their profession better. I couldn’t help but wonder how many more were out there? And thus began my search.
I realize that a few of the names throughout my search are not the birth names but merely nicknames that have become a mainstay. For example: Tank and Flip, but for the most part, all of these names were given to these men by their parents.
The NFL has the most players whose names fit the mold of their profession. The MLB has its share of guys too. I was not as successful with the NBA or any other sport, but you may be amused at what I found. Here is my homework, in semi-alphabetical order.
MLB -
Homer Bailey, SP, CIN – If only he were a position player with pop, it would be the best.
Grant Balfour, RP, TB – He has thrown 24 'balfour's' on the year (walks).
Matt Capps, CL, PIT – Every single baseball player wears a 'Capps.'
Matt Daley, RP, COL – No other sport is a 'daley' game.
Josh Fields, 3B, CWS – Duh.
Ben/Frank Francisco – And neither one plays in San Francisco! How dumb is that?
Nick Green, SS, BOS – Boston is an Irish dominated community. Last time I checked, Irish and green go together like macaroni and cheese.
Matt Palmer, SP, LAA – To throw a changeup, the ball sits back in the hand, not on the finger tips, like a 'palmer' ball.
Chan Ho Park, RP, PHI – Where do ballplayers play? Don't give me 'stadium' or 'field,' you know what I'm getting at here.
NASCAR –
Scott Speed – This ranks right at the top with the best athlete's name/sport list.
Shelby Howard – (Nationwide Series) Get it? Shelby ? Racing? Good job!
Ricky Carmichael – I find it a little funny that he races in the truck series with this name.
NBA –
Gilbert Arenas, G, WAS – If you play with the pronunciation of the last name…
Flip Murray, G, ATL – Only because he is a guard. He can FLIP the ball to teammates. Yes, it’s a stretch, I know.
Jamario Moon, F, CLE – Only because he can jump half way there.
NFL –
Champ Bailey, CB, DEN – Is it ironic that he does not have a Super Bowl ring?
Alan/Dave/Lance/Reggie Ball – They all play FootBALL.
Arnaz/Jackie/Tra Battle – That’s a good last name for a football player if you ask me.
John David Booty, QB, MIN – Who gets more chicks than QBs?
Titus Brown, LB, CLE – Get it? Cleveland Brown(s)?
Reggie Corner, CB, BUF – Do I really need to explain it?
Andrew Crummey, G, CIN – One might describe them as a crummy team. I certainly would.
Buster Davis – There are two of them (same exact name), but it is still a good football name.
Na’il Diggs, LB, CAR – Great name for a LB.
Chris Draft, LB STL – In the 6th round, 164th overall, by the Bears in 1998.
Brandon/Joe/Ronald Fields – Enough Said.
Chris Gamble, CB, CAR – Because as a CB, sometimes you have to take that chance.
Dashon Goldson, S, SF – Last name is part of the team color scheme.
Frank Gore, RB, SF – Like Pamplona . For a power runner, it’s a match made in heaven.
Howard Green, DT, NYJ – Jets colors are GREEN and white.
Shonn Greene, RB, NYJ – Name = color scheme.
Richie Incognito, OL, STL – If you know football, you know the best OL in the league remain anonymous.
Javon Kearse , DE , TEN – For the amount of havoc he causes…
Leonard Little, DE, STL – At 6’3” 263 lbs, he is anything but Little.
Kevin Payne, S, CHI – He’s not the only ‘Payne,’ but his position allows for his name to fit like a glove.
Dantrelle/Josh Savage – Any dude with this name has got to play football.
Takeo Spikes, LB, SF – As a LB, 'Spikes' fits like a wetsuit.
Hines Ward, WR, PIT – He plays at Heinz Field! He should change the legal spelling of his name.
No, I didn't search for NHL players and I didn’t attempt looking up anyone in the world of soccer. That is not to say there are none. If I skipped over some good ones, please throw ‘em at me, I’d love to hear them. I’ll admit, some were just fun names that had to do with a team or position instead of the actual sport, but they were a good fit nonetheless. I have one more for you. Tell me this isn’t the best one yet. She’s a tennis player, her name? Anna SMASHNOVA. Even if the pronunciation is different, it’s still my favorite of all.
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And the Jays aren't much better than their "minor League" affiliates either. Good work Dub, we're a hell of a team.
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Homer, there is a relief pitcher on the Tonoto Blue Jays named Brandon League. If that isn't perfect enough, there used to also be a pitcher with the last name Minor on the Jays. I know this becuase I saw that they pitched one after the other one night. The boxscore the next day read. Minor League