How NASCAR Finally Changed My Life
Written by Patterson Belser, Wednesday January 27 2010
My life, as I knew it, is over. I have been reborn. I promise you, it is true. I used to be but a boy, but now, after a drastic change in my daily routine, I am all that is man. Maybe you are wondering what could have made such a change to everything that is me. Maybe, just maybe, you are thinking that you could do with a big time life changing event. I like to think that you are all thinking that. Possibly, it is because I want the absolute best for each and every one of you. But, it is probably just the fact that I am self-absorbed, and I hope that I have influenced your way of thinking. Speaking of me…
I purchased a product the other day that has made me question my past purchasing habits. What was I doing with my time and money? I am such a fool. That is right, ladies and gentlemen. I present to you, my new deodorant!
I really do feel like a new man. My pits stink of burned rubber and testosterone.
So, we are in the drug store the other day, minding our own business. I needed to pick up a few unmentionables (ok, maybe not unmentionable, as I really only purchased deodorant and vodka…not to be used together, kids…or by kids…unless you want to be popular). Anyway, while shopping for deodorant, my girlfriend, Mindy, points to the Old Spice NASCAR deodorants.
Please, at this point, keep this in mind. Here is a quick third-person perspective on how this exactly went down.
From the perspective of Mindy (who is not a NASCAR fan in the least): She is walking through the aisles of the local CVS, and follows me (Patterson, that is me) to the deodorant section. As I am looking at my normal brand of product, Mindy spies a deodorant with a NASCAR logo of some sort. She sees it, giggles to herself, turns to her boyfriend (again, me, Patterson) and states that I really should purchase this product. Of course, she is being completely facetious by saying that I should buy NASCAR deodorant.
From the perspective of Patterson: So, I am there in the store, looking at my usual brand, minding my own business. Suddenly, Mindy points out that there are not only one, but four different kinds of NASCAR Old Spice deodorant. I, of course, am ecstatic (well, not really, but I did find this somewhat intriguing). It was at this point that I reach for this product, while I notice that Mindy is smirking. I made sure that it did not actually smell like Old Spice (seriously, does everyone remember what their grandpa smelled like), and I made my purchase.
Hell, it was only $4. It was not like I was buying this piece of crap.
And I put it to each of you, that my life is forever changed. It is like the pit crews are working my pits, all day and all night…until I take a shower. But, then I just reapply and do it all over again! Thank you, NASCAR deodorant products!
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