He Got No Game
Written by Todd Schmerler, Friday July 31 2009
I recently had the opportunity to talk to Paul Mecurio, host of the new sports comedy sketch show “Got No Game,” which will air at www.hbo.com/gotnogame starting Friday (July 31).
Mecurio, who won an Emmy and a Peabody as a writer for “The Daily Show,” will post a new segment every Friday for the next two months. The show will also air on youtube and at www.paulmecurio.com. The show's premiere takes Mecurio to casino city, Las Vegas, for a behind-the-scenes look at boxing. He talks to famed ring announcer Michael Buffer and ringside commentator Jim Lampley.
Here’s what Paul, a former lawyer and investment banker from Rhode Island, had to say:
1) Why is the show called “Got No Game?”
Because that’s basically what people say about me all the time. I’ve got no game when it comes to sports, when it comes to women, when it comes to anything cool. I’m a bit of a “got no game” guy. Mainly it means I’m completely inept. I think that’s going to be on my tombstone: Paul Mecurio, he lived, he had no game.
2) Let’s play Sport/Not a Sport.
NASCAR: Sport. Sitting in a car going 200 mph for 4 hours, that’s stressful. I sit in a car for an hour going 60 and I want to kill somebody. Having the stamina and controlling yourself physically and emotionally to not want to punch someone in the face, that’s a sport. Plus they get to wear those fabulous one-piece jumpsuits and they’re not worried about being called gay. See, I said “fabulous” and I’m not worried about being called gay. Maybe I should drive a racecar.
Bowling: NOT a sport. And that’s going to kill my father, who’s already passed away. He was a bowler, and I’m a pretty good bowler because of him. But anything where you can get a trophy with a pot belly is not a sport. If you have to wear polyester even though you’re not sweating, that’s not a sport. When grilled cheese sandwiches are being made within 10 feet and there’s a claw machine there too, that’s not a sport.
Synchronized swimming: Gay. I can’t even use the word “sport” when I’m talking about it. Even when women do it it’s gay.
Polo: Sport. Riding that horse, trying to hit that ball with the mallet, I’ve got to give it to them. It might be the only sport where thighs matter, you really have to hold onto the horse with your thighs. That and when wrestlers put someone in a scissor hold. I guess that means wrestlers would be good polo players. You know what, I take it back. Any event where strawberries and cream and Dom are served is not a sport, it’s a picnic with big animals. Plus it’s British and those people are not athletic.
Curling: Absolutely NOT a sport, it’s housekeeping. Curling is bowling for people who cannot bear to part with the ball. If bowling is not a sport, curling is not a sport. I’m not budging on that opinion.
3) Are there any sports you refuse to watch?
Badminton. There’s a badminton channel. But I LOVE those strongest man competitions, I could watch that all day, it’s hilarious. A guy pulling a truck with his ass, lifting logs with his penis, opening cans with his testicles, that’s a real tangible sport, that and guys who climb the pole with their belt. Think of the chafing alone. If I’m on the beach for four hours I have too much chafing. I have to get a re-wax of that whole landscaped area.
I also can’t watch soccer. They’re clearly athletes and in great shape, but if I want to see no one score for 90 minutes I’ll watch a video of myself at a bar trying to get women.
4) We saw Jim Lampley and Mary Carillo in preview clips … can we expect to see major sports stars in the coming weeks or have you already exhausted your Rolodex?
I’m going to give you an exclusive, so keep it under your hat. Three words: Ted Williams’ head. I can’t tell you anything more, it’s top secret. OK, three more words: Marge Schott’s body. That’s all I can say right now.
5) Why sports comedy?
Basically I wasn’t a huge jock myself, so I thought this would be the best way to get back at people who are jocks, by mocking them. Actually, it’s because no one else is doing it and there’s loads of material. Terrell Owens came out in support of Michael Vick the other day. That’s like Mengele coming out in support of Hitler. And what T.O. said was that suspending Vick would be like kicking a dead horse. If I’m Vick, I’m like, “Hey T.O., thanks for the dead animal metaphor. You’re really helping me out.” And nobody picked up on that! Look at Kate Hudson and A-Rod. That’s just him flirting with substance abuse again … box office poison. In sports there’s always something you can tap into for laughs. Shooting yourself in the thigh? Hilarious!
6) Who’s funnier, you or Shaq? Who are the funniest athletes?
Me. And I’m a better rebounder. I’m old school, I like Bob Eucker. Right now Jon Papelbon is funny, he seems to have no governor, he just says what he wants. And Pete Rose is funny because he has absolutely no sense of humor. He doesn’t get anything. Kevin Garnett is funny. And Shaq, actually, I think he is funny. Not funnier than me though. And I do much better with the women than he does.
7) Who were your sports heroes growing up and who are they now?
Being from Rhode Island I was big on Boston sports. Larry Bird, Yaz, Rico Petrocelli, Bobby Orr, Phil Esposito, Kevin McHale. Thurman Munson, too, if I were a Yankee fan he’d be my guy. Also Keith Hernandez, I liked that he smoked cigarettes after the games. Now I like John Daly. He’s like the uncle that comes to the barbeque and doesn’t quite get it. He’s a day late and a dollar short but still hilarious. He’d be the guy offering a cigarette to the old grandma with the emphysema and the oxygen tank. He wears the pants he wants to wear, he hangs out at the Hooter’s tent. Who wouldn’t be a fan of a guy who not only refuses to work out, but goes around on national TV showing people how to get cancer? How can you not respect a guy like that?
8) Why hbo.com? Why did you make the strategic decision to keep your show on the Internet and not on the major cable station?
They said to me, Paul, do you want to be famous right away, or in increments over a long period of time? I said, let’s wait and go slowly. My goal is to get at least 6 men in their underwear in the key 18-35-year-old demographic to watch my show just before they switch over to stroke off to porn. That’s my goal. My target audience is shut-in men who never excelled at sports and spend way too much time at transvestite.com.
Thanks Paul! Watch the show starting Friday at www.hbo.com/gotnogame. New segments will be added every Friday.
Tags:
Leave a comment
Not So Fast! To publish your comment, you have to login
Not Registered? Register now as it only take 20 seconds!
Click here to browse
0 comments