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Big Boobs in the NFL

B-Dub Written by B-Dub, Tuesday October 12 2010
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There are so many weird things going on in the NFL this year, I couldn't pick just one to write about.  So let's take a quick look at some of the highlights (lowlights?) so far in the 2010 NFL season.

It's Miller Time

Sports Illustrated swimsuit model, Marisa Miller will become the new spokeswoman for the NFL's 2010-2011 season.  I have no idea what the hell that means, but if I get to see more of the hottest woman on the planet (Sorry Esquire magazine, but you got it wrong) then I'm all for it.  Apparently her first act will be to go to England to help promote the Oct 31 SF 49ers and Denver Broncos game that is being played there.  "I'm looking forward to helping gain new fans and show them how incredible the game of American football is," Miller said.  Hey Marisa, you'll certainly be gaining a few new fans, but something tells me they won't care as much about football as what else you could show them.  I find the timing of this announcement rather curious though, considering this next story.

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month

You don't even have to be a sports fan to have heard about the Brett Favre scandal.  Apparently Favre tried to proposition bimbo / sports media wannabe Jenn Sterger for sex by sending her racy texts and a picture of his, um, "Jock Occupant", while he was the Jets QB and she held some bogus title with her huge fake boobs in tight, low-cut tops.  This woman is a joke, but that doesn't mean Favre shouldn't get slapped for this.  This seems like a textbook case of sexual harassment and the NFL and commissioner Roger Goodell should suspend the old "Gunslinger".  As a side note, Sterger has reportedly had her best assets, her breast implants, removed because "they served their purpose".  Yes, they got a no-talent nothing a job in sports and spreads in major magazines, including Playboy.  It's the American Dream.

Big Ben Returns

It's not all about big "Boobs" this week though.  Week 6 marks the return of Steelers QB Ben Roethlisberger.  Big Ben will return from his league-mandated suspension for repeated inappropriate contract with drunken college co-eds in bars.  Wait, maybe it is all about big boobs in the NFL this week.

Problems in Big D

That's D, as in Dallas, not Double D as in the first couple of stories.  Come on people, get your minds out of the gutter.  Anyway, the Cowboys were the preseason pick to represent the NFC in the Super Bowl in many publications.  Jerry Jones fueled that notion because of his desire to play in a Super Bowl that will be played in his new stadium this year.  Uh Jerry, your team is 1-3 this season with a 0-2 record at home.  Coach Wade Phillips' seat is getting hotter by the minute.  And I just wanted to point out that a recent report in the Star-Telegram quoted an unidentified Cowboys player who is tired of QB Tony Romo getting "a free pass from the coaches and you frauds in the media."  Hey, he's not getting a free ride from me.  He must be talking about those clowns on ESPN and Fox Sports.

Dealing From the Bottom of the Deck

Michael Irvin of the NFL Network is trying to play the race card where it doesn't belong.  Irvin said he was "baffled" by what happened in New England.  Hey Mike, I'm baffled that you have a job in the media.  Anyway, Irvin wasn't even talking about New England trading away Moss.  No, he had another agenda.  "Why does Tom Brady get a new contract, and Randy doesn't?" he asked.  Oh I don't know, maybe because Brady plays the most important position and won three Super Bowls, all before Moss arrived in New England.  Just a hunch there Michael.  Irvin's "race card" must be a Joker.

Worst of the Worst

The Carolina Panthers are easily the worst team in the NFL.  Last weekend Chicago's Todd Collins completed six passes, threw four interceptions and the Bears still beat the Panthers by 17 points.  Collins passer rating is 5.9 this season.  He is so bad he got benched in the second half with his team protecting a 14-point lead.  It was so pathetic that the two teams combined for only 28 yards passing in the first half.  John Fox should be the first coach to get a pink slip this year.  Unfortunately for him, it won't have anything to do with Breast Cancer Awareness Month.

The T. Ocho Show

The talk show hosted by Terrell Owens and Chad Ochocinco debuts tonight on Versus.  I may tune in just to watch the train wreck.  Or not.  If I'm going to watch two boobs on TV it won't be these two guys.

Forget Putting a Team in L.A.

The Oakland Raiders currently have a streak of 10 consecutive TV blackouts because they can't sell out their home games.  And some people want to put another team on the West Coast?  They don't even support the ones they already have.

Singletary Gets the Madden "Curse"

OK, so John Madden didn't actually curse at 49ers coach Mike Singletary, but the Hall of Fame coach certainly ripped into Singletary pretty good.  It seems that Singletary wasn't really going to bench QB Alex Smith during the Sunday night game against the Philadelphia Eagles.  He was just testing Smith by seeing how he would react to being yelled at in front a national TV audience.  Singletary liked the response he got and left Smith in the game, but Madden didn't like anything about it.  "That's something that you're not proud of as a coach," Madden said.  "I think people get the picture that's what coaching is and believe me, that's not what coaching is."  I guess Singletary can forget about a flattering video game image of himself on the next Madden football game.  Eagles coach Andy Reid had EA Sports slim down his video game alter ego.  I guess he didn't like the site of his own "man-boobs".

Free Pacman

Adam "Pacman" Jones has received an apology from Cincinnati's police chief after Jones was questioned by officers on Saturday.  Apparently Pacman was questioned because he drove his car up on a downtown curb to avoid another vehicle or a pedestrian.  He was released without a citation or any charges being filed against him.  But since every person in America has a cell phone camera, there were pictures on the internet within minutes.  And since Pacman has been in trouble with the law before everybody jumped to conclusions.  Hey, a guy "makes it rain" in a strip club filled with ladies with fake boobs and he gets a reputation.  What is the world coming to when Pacman Jones is the seemingly the only guy in the NFL these days who isn't in trouble?

And Finally......

Keeping Score

After leading the NFL in scoring last season, the New Orleans Saints have only scored 99 points so far this season.  That leaves them ranked 16th in the NFL behind teams like the Lions, Jaguars and Raiders.  But all is not lost in New Orleans.  Rumors have injured Saints RB Reggie Bush reuniting with famous-for-no-reason-whatsoever Kim Kardashian.  Kim is known more for her "big back yard", but Bush is known as the boob who had to return his Heisman trophy.

That's all for now.  I suddenly have the urge to put my head down on a nice soft pillow.

 


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