Another Lap Around The NASCAR Twitterverse
Written by Patterson Belser, Friday April 30 2010
by Patterson Belser
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Welcome to the FUTURE! What a wonderful age of futureness. Everywhere I look, I see the signs of the time. There are flying cars, robot waitresses, dogs named Astro, and Wesley Snipes does battle with Sly Stallone underneath…wait. I must apologize, as my pop culture got the best of me. We are lucky, though. If pop culture ruled the future, Cyberdine Systems would have taken us all out some years back (if Terminator 2 was anything but a pack of vicious lies). So it is actually a time to celebrate the fact that while the future has not brought our evil cybernetic overlords, it has brought us the glory that is Twitter. This way, we can check in with some of our favorite people in the world, and see the funny, silly, and sometimes, completely asinine things they feel comfortable typing, but not actually saying out loud. Huzzah for the FUTURE! Let’s take a lap around the ol’ new-fangled Twitter.
As a reminder: I post the name, plus Twitter link, to the one who posts, and then that person’s post. I follow, in italics, with my incredible witticisms. Let’s do this.
Miss Sprint Cup - Can't wait to meet you guys this wknd! Tweet-Up @ 3:30pm on Sat @ Sprint Experience. Race Paige, me, and @TravisKvapil in the simulators!-AW
I just wanted to start this off right, and by that I mean that I want to get the hopes of every gentleman out there up and, consequently, shattered. Seriously, she “Can’t wait to meet you guys”. That means each and every one of you out there! Congratulations “Complete Random Person Who Wins Over Miss Sprint Cup”, because you are going to meet your future wife at a Tweet-Up! I am sure she wants to get hitched to at least one of you that she meets. I kid, I kid…none of you have a shot. But actually, there are three of the ladies this year, so the odds have definitely gotten better…heh…I’m really going to stop now.
Scott Speed - We are on the lookout for a beard trimmer cuz my scruff is outa control at moment!
For equal opportunity sexiness, I decided to drop this gem in next, as this is for all the ladies out there. I know how fond so many of you are of the bearded drivers. All joking aside, Scott, if you are out there, may I make a suggestion? Try the Remington electric beard trimmers. Not top of the line, but really, has Remington every screwed up anything? I put it to you that, no, they have not. Then again (please note: I have been known to make awesome things that never occurred believable in my head), I seem to remember seeing a Red Bull video on Youtube where a guy jumped out of a plane at the exact same time as a live cheetah, connected with each other with nothing more than one single parachute, and they had to fight for that parachute while plummeting to the earth (please, please, PLEASE let me not be making that up). With that in mind, Scott, maybe instead of a trimmer you should consider a blowtorch and some lighter fluid…EXTREME!
Sam Hornish - Hornish survives late-race accident to finish 24th at Talladega. Read more: http://bit.ly/c9t7tj
First off, sweet logo, sir. What is that, the wrestling-inspired tattoo you got during Monday Night Wars back in ’98? Anyway…wanna know what is so fantastic about Twitter? If someone, let’s say a large corporation or a business manager, sets up an account in your name, you don’t even actually have to post updates to it. Really, it’s true. So in these situations, what happens is that there is someone that you may or may not know will use your account to post news updates about you. It is almost like having a biographer follow you around, and just sum up the day’s events in fewer than 141 characters. That is what we have here with Sam Hornish. I can see why the guy has someone else running this internet fad feed for him, as I am certain he is a busy man. Yes, when Sam Hornish is not busy being a mediocre driver, he is just as not busy updating his own Twitter account.
Max Papis - Hey @jpmontoya When u come to CLT come over and I will make u look like Tiger Woods ciao amico
So it finally gets weird, huh? Really, where does one start with this bit of barely readable internet mumblings? It would appear that Papis takes to his Twitter account with nothing else in mind other than to call Juan Pablo Montoya out…I think. Or, is he inviting Montoya over for a nice dinner between two amicos? Are they going to forego dinner for, and maybe I am just reading between the lines here, but something that sounds like a deleted scene from television’s OZ? WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE?! This is making me question every single thing that I ever thought about anything. For the sake of everything, I am going to assume that this is nothing more than a reference to the Tiger Woods golf games on popular gaming systems found worldwide.
Denny Hamlin - Check out nascar racehub tonight on speed at 730. They will be live from our race tonight
I am going to be honest, here. This is not interesting to me, it is not humorous, and it certainly does not allow me to have fun. The only reason I put this one up here, is so I could share these photos from the past few weeks that I find hilarious.
First, we have this complete goofball pose, where Denny does his best impression of a 12 year old boy. Scratch that, a 12 year old boy who is showing off his sweet new Green Lantern ring, and explaining to each of you that family vacation at the Dude Ranch is #1:
First, I must direct you to look at the guy sitting to Denny’s right. Is that guy doing an impersonation of a Tyrannosaurus Rex? More importantly, Denny sits courtside at a basketball game, and the only thing this reminds me of is one movie quote: “HEY YOU GUYYYYYYSSSSSS!!!!!”
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