"Therefore, my dear friends as you have always obeyed-not only in my presence, but now in my absence-continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose." Philippians 2: 12-13

Flying on the plane to Miami I felt confident in myself and in my team to play like a football team this game.  We had all done the best we could up until this point preparing to play Miami.  As we sat there on the plane I continued to prepare and make my "just in case" cheat sheet on a second QB wrist band.  I wrote out the game script, and I detailed it with what every player on offense was to do on every play. 

I thought this week’s huddle would be much more organized.  During the previous week of practice coach let me organize the offense in the huddle so I could go from right to left around the circle and fill the players in on what to do.  He would give me the play, I would read it off to each side and then I would go around the circle filling the players in where to go. 

A major confidence booster compared to the last game.  I finished making the wrist band, I had coach look it over and I got off the plane feeling confident that we had a shot at actually winning this game. Our offense, when ran properly is set up on precision. Coach was in the military and so was I. 

In past articles you have seen me write about consistency and discipline. I run on this.  As a quarterback I need that consistency in the huddle to feel poised and collected. I was confident we would have that this week, which would allow for me to have a better game and give my team the Quarterback they deserved.  As I began to warm up before the game I realized I couldn’t lift my right elbow parallel to my right shoulder.  The tear in my labrum was getting worse and the tendonitis began to take over.  I pulled coach aside and I said "coach, Nicole’s arm is right on today, my passing is off, my shoulder is acting up don’t be afraid to pull me and put her in."

I have been struggling through practices with this tear in my labrum and this tendonitis in my throwing shoulder for a few months now.  Some days the pain is worse then others.  On top of these injuries, at the previous Philly game I dislocated my left collar bone, and I sprained the AC in my left shoulder.  During that Philly game I was able to hide the injury in my right shoulder by babying it.  By taking the hits, and tackling primarily on my left side.  Going into this Miami game, I felt scared.  I have no way to baby either shoulder.  I prepared to take the pain. 

Every game we get back to the locker room and have our time to prepare after warm ups and run throughs. I try to maintain the same routine.  I get dressed, finish the hair, the game make up and get the warm ups on, and then I put my ipod on, listen to the same song (Angles fall down by skillet.)  I pray, open my bible and I write a verse for the game and I put it up in the locker room. 

While everyone else is going through their pre game routine I try to focus and look for the glory of god and ask him to let it shine through my performance.  This game I started to feel the fear of god come over me.  Our teams verse for the game had been Philippians 1:28

"Without being frightened in any way by those who oppose you.  This is a sign to them that they will be destroyed, but that you will be saved, and that by god."   

Walking into the tunnel I turned to my team mate and I told her " I feel the fear of god in me, I’m afraid." I was trembling and she told me It’s pre game jitters.  We made a joke about the quarterback in Any Given Sunday and how he pukes before every game.  Here my team was trying to calm me down.  I thought to myself, pull it together, your team needs you to lead them, shake it off. 

The funny thing is, when god has a hold of me and his presence is on me there is no shaking it off no matter how many ways I try to convince myself it’s just my emotions and not his presence.  The game started and play after play in the first half my team got slammed around.  The huddle was unorganized; players were forgetting the plays and the game seemed to fly by so fast. 

Half time came and our coach gave us the half time talk we deserved.  We weren’t playing like a team, as quarterbacks we both scrambled for our lives or we got blind sided by hits, the line wasn’t working together, and the receivers were messing up routes.

On D it was the same way, play after play someone got behind the safety’s and Miami exploited the long pass.  Prior to the game I warned my coach about this, I watched the Chicago game and Miami primarily passed against them, and we watched the Philly game and Miami primarily ran against them.  Either way, we needed to go out the second half and play like a team.

The second half rolled around and I felt a calming presence from God.  He said to me, you tried to play the first half with out me.  If God is with you who can be against you.  I played in his fear, and in fear of getting seriously injured due to my shoulders the first half and never stopped to ask God to take control. 

THIS is a major problem. 

How can I be a leader to my team if I have no one to follow?  In order to lead we must first follow.  I was out there with no guidance. God was speaking to me.  Every play in the second half I asked God to help me take one play at a time with his guidance, to find the right holes, to see the open receivers and as a safety (coach put me in at the end of the first half at safety as well) I began to ask for quickness reading the play.  I thought to myself "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" Philippians 4:13. 

I knew we weren’t going to win this game, but I felt calm and the fear went away because I knew at the end of the day when I learned to focus on God and let him carry me through it wasn’t that bad.  I felt clarity and I felt calm.
   
During the last part of the game I got back into that safety mentality, no one gets into my end zone from this point on.  I was excited and able to enjoy the football.  A few plays at safety and I started to feel protective of my team.  Sitting back at safety you get to see all the stuff everyone on the entire field is doing. 

I saw the Miami girls getting a little out of control with their actions and I started to get fired up.  Three plays in a row I watched the receiver hit my corner after the whistle was blown.  It became evident that this player wasn’t even trying to run a route at this point.  I told my corner if I see this receiver hit you one more time after the whistle is blown, or get in your face, or swing on you it’s going to be over. 

What do you think happened the next play? The receiver started going at it with my corner, All of a sudden there were Miami players and NY Majesty players surrounding each other and I got swung on. (there are multiple videos on YouTube and if you watch them enough you can see the truth; I don’t need to talk crap, my swag says it all.)  Growing up in martial arts and with a father who was a military drill Sargent I was taught to defend myself. 

No one puts their hands on me like that and my passion for football, my love for my teammates and the instinctive nature to protect myself took over.  Next thing I know I’m ejected from the game, the crowds going crazy and I didn’t feel bad at all.  I felt closer to my team.

I saw the commissioner and the director of the league in our hotel elevator later that night and I knew they were disappointed in me.  Fighting in all professional sports is looked down upon and this league has taken a lot of time molding me into the leader they see in me.  A lot of times I rise to the occasion, but like any human sometimes I fall.  They have taken the time to see my love for football and my passion for this league in general.  I knew that wouldn’t be the end of it. 

Sometime later I got an email from the commissioner, the league was extremely disappointed in my behavior as one of the leaders in the league and I was notified that I would be suspended for a game for fighting and for my rowdy behavior after the fight.  I had already prepared myself for this.  I stand behind the leagues decision in my suspension as there are always consequences for everything in life and leaders should be held to higher standards.

I was scheduled for a conference call with the commissioner and as he explained to me the reason for my suspension I began to understand, it’s about becoming a professional.  He said to me " Do you think Eli Manning would be suspended for fighting, or jump into the stands to sign autographs?" 

Boys get 23 years of playing football, and coach after coach to learn how to become professional football players. Although I have had years of playing football  I never looked into my experiences as how to conduct myself as a professional football player.  Girls just didn’t grow up thinking that was a possibility.  I have had close to two years being molded, learning and growing from my mistakes trying to be a professional football player.  I trust the league and am very grateful and thankful that they continue to mold me into a professional football player. 

This is their brand and as players we just represent it.  I may not agree with being the only one suspended as I wasn’t even the one to throw the first punch but I am thankful that the league saw enough in me to punish me for MY mistakes.  The league and its decisions should be respected and trusted by the players.  "He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him." Proverbs 13:24
 
In the after math of the fight there has been a lot of controversy. People think because I’m Christian I shouldn’t fight, and maybe they are right? 

There are a lot of war stories in the bible and as of now I have not been convicted nor do I feel guilty for defending myself.  I do however feel guilty for losing control of my emotions and letting those emotions control my actions.  I need God because I’m not perfect and only with him will my emotions be controlled. "Whatever happens conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ." (Philippians 1:27) 

Bottom line I learned last game; we can’t do it on our own, and at times we will try to take back control of our life, of our fear, or anger, passion, or love, but if we are living our life for God, we should surrender and ask him to be in control. 

My loss of control is a huge example of why we need God, He did not send his son to die for us because we are perfect, his son died for us because we are not perfect.  It is in my weakness that his power is made perfect.

2 Corinthians 12:9 "But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."

Thank you God.
 
Krystal Gray
www.lflus.com
New York Majesty Team Captain