My variation on the new (lame) fad that's sweeping the nation, that annoying "25 things about me" on Facebook.  I only signed up for Facebook to spread the word about my articles, but have been inundated with some of the most ridiculous crap I have ever seen.  Anyway here are my "25 Things About Sports that I Don't Understand".
 

1. Why do the spectators have to be quiet at golf tournaments?  I know the players have to swing stick-like clubs, but do all the fans have to have a stick up their ass?  "Lighten up Francis".


2. Nascar.  I know that it's immensely popular in certain parts of the country and it gets good ratings, but I just don't get it.  This isn't a sport.  It's just a bunch of "Rednecks" making left turns.  If I wanted to see a bunch of left turns, I'd rent National Lampoon's "European Vacation".  "Look kids, Big Ben, Parliament".


3. Sideline reports.  Why do they exist?  With the exception of when Joe Namith tried to kiss Suzy Kolber while he was Boogered, there has never been a single interesting thing every uncovered by a sideline reporter.


4. 40-yard dash times at the NFL Scouting Combine.  Last time I checked, NFL players were required to wear lots of pads and a helmet during games.  Why should it matter how fast a guy can run in shorts and a T-shirt?  This is especially ridiculous for offensive linemen.


5. Soccer.  I don't care how popular it is in the rest of the world.  Nothing else matters except what Americans think and nobody gives a rat's ass about soccer in this country.  So why do they keep trying to force-feed this 0-0 Snooze fest to the American public?


6. How is Yankees GM, Brian Cashman considered a "great" GM when has hasn't won a World Series in a decade with an unlimited payroll?  That shouldn't be possible when he paid one player, A-FRAUD, more than the entire roster of the AL Champion Tampa Bay Rays last season.


7. Why are Red Sox fans such Douchebags?  They were bearable before they won, because they were the underdogs.  Now that they won two World Series, with the two highest payrolls of any Championship team ever, they're just plain annoying.  God, I hope the Cubs never win.


8. Why do we always have to hear about the NFL wanting to put a team back in Los Angeles?  The "fans" in LA don't care about any sports, but they really don't seem to care about football.  


9. Why in the world is Bud Selig being paid $18.5 million?  For that matter why is Bud Selig still the commissioner of MLB?  He's a complete tool, who allowed the "steroid era" to taint baseball.


10. How come a college coach gets to walk away free and clear when he commits violations at a school, but the school itself gets penalized?  How is that fair?  If they penalize the coaches I'm betting that they wouldn't break the rules as often.


11. The BCS.  Every other sport has a playoff system, but somehow a few big conferences in college football control the sport?  How is that even possible?  


12. What was Detroit Lions owner William Clay Ford doing in those pictures that Matt Millen had of him?  It's the only explanation for why Millen held that job for so long right?


13. How could anyone consider "Jerry McGuire" a sports movie?  It was a chick flick you morons.  And it was the worst kind of chick flick.  It posed as a sports movie, but it was really about a love story and an annoying little kid.  The big quote wasn't "show me the money", it was "you had me at hello".  Remember the ESPN commercial where all the anchors said that line?  It was embarrassing.  Any man who likes this movie should go back in the closet with Tom Cruise.


14. How can the NFL and it's players union possibly be on the brink of a strike or lockout?  I mean how greedy are they that they can't decide how to split up like a Bazillion dollars?


15. Why are New York players always so overrated by the national media?  Jose Reyes is only the third best SS in his own division, yet he's a "megastar"according to ESPN, FOX and countless magazines?  More like a Choker if you've been paying attention the last two years.


16. Why do all the NCAA basketball commentators slobber all over Duke and Coach K?  Chief offender?  I'll give you a hint.  "Yeah Baby!  He's a PTPer".  


17. Why isn't Jose Canseco getting more credit for cleaning up MLB?  He was mocked for years, but everything he said was true.  As a matter of fact, he might be the only one who's told the truth in the whole situation.  If it wasn't for him, Congress wouldn't have gotten involved and nothing would have changed.


18. And why exactly does the MLB Players Union have so much power?  I understand there has to be a collective bargaining agreement between the players and the owners, so nobody gets taken advantage of, but give me a break.  Donald Fehr is a contemptible human being, who doesn't give a damn about the long-term health of the players.  


19. Why can an NBA team dominate in the regular season with a "fast-break offense", but then can't win in the playoffs.  Why does the style of play change in the postseason?  Is this one of those mysterious "unwritten rules" of sports or something?


20. How bad does Tiger Woods' wife Elin's twin sister feel?  She looks exactly like her sister, but even if she were to find a cure for cancer, all anybody would ever say to her is, "How come Tiger picked her over you"?  That's gotta be hard to live with huh?


21. Why can Michele Wie play on the PGA Tour with men just because a sponsor says so?  Doesn't this make the PGA the biggest whores on the planet?  They're willing to just sellout to the highest bidder?  Could you imagine if this happened in other sports?  We would have a Giants - Jets Super Bowl every year because Budweiser would want the nation's biggest market.  We would have the Yankees and Red Sox in every World Series, even thought their both in the American League.  The NBA Finals would be converted into a one-on-one game between Kobe and LeBron.  This explains why golf is NOT a sport.


22. Why Nation is Nation the Nation word Nation "nation" Nation added Nation to Nation the Nation end Nation of Nation every Nation team Nation name Nation or Nation fanbase Nation?  Stop it already.


23. How can anyone take the Summer Olympics seriously when they eliminated baseball and added Ballroom dancing?   


24. Why was everybody so upset with Michael Phelps for smoking a little pot?  Phelps is a young guy who spent his whole life training and wanted to finally have some fun.  Even the President of the United States has admitted to inhaling.  Shouldn't sponsors like Wheaties be happy?  Who eats more than stoners with the "Munchies" right?


25. Why does the media insist on forcing the NHL down the throats of Americans when it's obvious nobody cares.  I tried to check the ratings for the NHL, but they don't even have a national TV contract anymore and their ratings are almost negative.  The NHL Finals actually loses to the Spelling Bee every year in the ratings.  You can't get any lower than that can you?  Well, other than resorting to a stupid "25 things" list when you can't think of anything else to write about that is.