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God Wants Tim Tebow to Win

Bob Whalon Written by Bob Whalon, Monday January 09 2012
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I'm now convinced that God wants Tim Tebow to win.  I mean seriously, how else do you explain that 29-23 overtime victory by Tebow's Denver Broncos over the heavily-favored Pittsburgh Steelers?

There were so many "signs" that point to divine intervention in this game.

First a history lesson.  The Steelers had what NFL Films determined to be the greatest play in NFL history; the "Immaculate Reception".  It was a Dec. 23 game against the Oakland Raiders in 1972 and it got that name because it was so improbable.  Pittsburgh was trailing with 22 seconds left in the fourth quarter on 4th and 10 when Steelers quarterback Terry Bradshaw threw a pass to John "Frenchy" Fuqua.  Raiders safety Jack Tatum arrived at the same time as the ball and it ricochet backwards.  Then, before the ball could hit the ground, Franco Harris snatched it out of the air and rumbled into the endzone for the winning score.  

The Steelers didn't win the Super Bowl that year, because the next week of the playoffs they ran into God's favorite team THAT year, the Miami Dolphins.  If you'll remember, the 1972 Dolphins are still the only undefeated team in NFL history.  That had to be divine intervention.  Don Shula is an actual saint now right?

Anyway, I think God was mad at the Steelers for using a religious term for their amazing play and he chose this moment to finally punish them.  And he chose this moment because of Tim Tebow.

Tebow is a national sensation.  There just is no denying it.  His touchdown celebration where he takes to a knee and puts his head on his fist has become an internet sensation.  Just Google "Tebowing" and you'll find millions of pictures.  

The reason Tebow is such a polarizing figure is due to his in your face God-talk.  He has been doing it since high school, but he gained national prominence when he won the Heisman and two national championships in college, all the while praising his "Lord and Savior Jesus Christ".  He also appeared in a controversial pro-life ad during last year's Super Bowl.  Some admired his genuine religious lifestyle.  Others, like me actually, hated hearing all that "God-Squad" talk and didn't want to be bothered with that during or after a football game.

I always figured God had about a million other things that were more important than who won a football game.  But apparently I was wrong.  

All of the great things that Tebow is doing must be because of divine intervention.  I mean, his throwing motion is a complete train-wreck.  His mechanics are all out of whack and it seems to take him forever to get a pass off.  His statistics are laughable and every scout, sports writer, TV commentator and arm-chair quarterback disses his play.  Until the fourth quarter that is.

Tebow took over as the Broncos starting quarterback when the team was 1-4.  He captured the attention of a nation with his improbable late-game heroics in spite of poor statistics.  He led the Broncos to seven wins in his first eight starts and got the Broncos back in the playoff picture.  Then he lost the last three games of the season to finish 8-8 and still made the playoffs.  Had to be the hand of God there, right?

Unfortunately for Tebow and his Broncos teammates, they were going to have to face the No. 1 defense in the NFL, the Steelers.  Well, since Tebow is now God's favorite player, the Big Guy decided to lend a helping hand.  Seriously, what are the odds that an NFL player would have a rare blood disease that becomes life-threatening at higher altitudes and that player's playoff game would just so happen to be in "Mile High" Denver?  That's what happened to Pittsburgh's leading tackler, safety Ryan Clark.  In 2007 Clark almost died when he played in Denver and his blood condition made him sick and led to him losing 30 lbs and his spleen in a Denver hospital.  He almost died so there was no way Pittsburgh coach Mike Tomlin was letting him play in this game.

Without Clark patrolling the back of the Pittsburgh defense, Troy Polamalu couldn't play his normally free-wheeling style.  That led to several long gainers, including the game winner in overtime.

It wasn't enough for God's "boy" to win the game though; he also had to set a record.  Tebow's 80-yard touchdown pass to Demaryius Thomas that took 11 seconds was the quickest overtime win in NFL playoff history.  Thomas was only capping a great day that saw him haul in four Tebow passes for an astounding 204 yards.  

Sure Tebow's stats aren't great in a traditional quarterback sense with his less than 50% completion percentage, but he just wins.  He only completed 10 of his 21 passes, but they went for 316 yards.

Think about the significance of that number for a second.  316.  The most famous Bible verse is John 3:16.  You see it on signs at every football game and in college Tebow had it printed on his eye black.  The verse states: "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life."

The NFL bans any messages on eye black or anywhere else on uniforms, but Tebow must have it printed on his jock or someplace that we can't see.  I mean really, 316 yards?  What are the odds of that?  And that translates to 31.6 yards per completion.  316 again.  God works in mysterious ways, indeed.

There was also the little fact that Steelers star quarterback Ben Roethlisberger's ankle injury obviously hindered him in this game.  That would be the same Big Ben who did some very unholy things to some very intoxicated college co-eds.  A healthy Roethlisberger would have been able to avoid those two sacks at the end of regulation that pushed the Steelers out of possible field goal range.  

God even sought to punish those who doubted his "fantasy QB".  Chicago Bears linebacker, Brian Urlacher called Tebow a running back and his team missed the playoffs when untimely injuries befell their starting running back and quarterback.  Baltimore Ravens passrusher, Terrell Suggs said last week that, "to say this is a phenomenon, I think of it as an insult to rest of the other quarterbacks."  On Sunday night Suggs tweeted, "I'm shocked.  Jaw is on the floor!!!!!  He shocked us all."  They're both just lucky God didn't "Smite" them.  Whatever that means, exactly.

Suggs is also lucky he doesn't have to face Tebow next week.  Instead, Tebow's heroics got the Broncos a date in New England against Tom Brady and the rest of Bill Belichick's Patriots.  

And who doesn't think that God will make Tebow win that game?  It's obvious that Belichick has a deal with the Devil.  It came out that Belichick was cheating (Spygate) when he won those three Super Bowls.  And if I've learned anything from watching movies, good (or God) always conquers evil.  Stick that in your Uggs, Tom Brady.

Not wanting to anger his biggest fan now, Tebow made sure to stick to the script that has brought his quest this far.  He thanked God first, then he thanked his teammates, coaches and fans.  Timmy knows who's number 1.

With all this evidence, I don't see how anybody can doubt that God wants Tim Tebow to win.

I mean, if you didn't think all of this was God's will then you would have to believe that the Steelers simply screwed up by loading all 11 defenders in the box on that deciding overtime TD.  That Demaryius Thomas is really fast and that was one of the best straight-arms that I have ever seen.  That Tebow and Thomas hooked up so often because the Steelers were daring him to throw deep all game even though their leading tackler was out of the game.  That NFL players get hurt and the Steelers' injuries were too much to overcome.  Why, you would have to believe that the players themselves actually determine the outcome of sporting events.

Nah, that's not realistic.  God just wanted Tim Tebow to win.    

 


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